The Dawn of a New Era

Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted

Meowth: The time has now come. The first episode of the new Cosmic Quest is complete and ready to be published.

Jessie: Once this update hits the internet, we control our own destiny, and we will become unstoppable.

James: I could cry, I’m so happy right now. This is truly our crowning achievement.

Meowth: Before we get to that though, we have one other piece of business to attend to. All day we’ve been running a poll to see which of us is the favorite of you, the readers, and the results are in. Can I get a drum roll please?


Meowth: Out of eight votes, four went to James, and four went to me, Meowth!

James: *cries* They like me! they really like me!

Meowth: Of course I won, I’m the top cat.

Jessie: … …Wait a second! If you both got four votes, and there was only eight, that means that no one voted for me! What is this!? In what world does no one vote for me!? I am obviously the greatest Team Rocket operative to ever live!

Meowth: Keep telling yourself that.


Meowth: Nothing, nothing at all.

Jessie: That’s what I thought. Whatever, this poll was clearly rigged. Let’s just post that chapter.

James and Meowth: Yeah!

Meowth: Alright, everything’s ready for the upload. Once I press this button, everything changes for the better. Let’s press it slowly and savor the moment.

James: I’m so excited. I can already feel the power washing over me.

Jessie: With this update, we’ll finally get what’s coming to us.

Yuni Oha: That you will, Team Rocket! Dracosmic, use Draco Meteor!

Jessie, James, and Meowth: WHAT!?!?!?!?!? AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Ash: Pikachu, use Volt Tackle!

Jessie, James, and Meowth: Not the Twerp too!

Pikachu: Pika pika pika pika pika pika pika chu!

Jesie, James, and Meowth: NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Yuni Oha: Shall we finish this together?

Ash: Let’s.

Yuni and Ash: Attack now!

Yuni Oha: Dragon Force!

Ash: Thunderbolt!

Dracosmic: Dracoooooooo!

Pikachu: Pikaaaa chuuuuuuuuuuu!

Jessie, James, and Meowth: Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again!

Yuni Oha: Whew, got them out of the way just in the nick of time.

Ash: Yeah, much longer and we wouldn’t have had a chance at stopping them.

Yuni Oha: To all you reading, I am so sorry for what you must have had to endure over the past 24 hours, but it’s all over. Ash managed to break me out from my cage, and now Team Rocket is gone, and hopefully they won’t be returning anytime soon. Now, to get to work on cleaning up my website…


Team Rocket Q&A Session

Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted

Meowth: It’s here! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! We’ve been gathering your questions left in comments all day, and it’s time to answer them!

James: It’s time for the Team Rocket Q&A Session!

Jessie: Prepare to know Team Rocket like you’ve never known them before! Let’s get started, what’s the first question?

Meowth: Alright, this first question comes from the user BTH777, who asked, “What’s your favorite version of the motto?” So guys, what do you say?

James: Hmm…I supposed I’d have to say the original. We’ve made some pretty good mottoes as time has gone on, but we always end up going back to that one.

Jessie: Yeah, I can agree with that.

Meowth: Well, I don’t.

Jessie and James: You don’t!?

Meowth: No, I don’t. In fact, my favorite is the motto we used during our second time in Kanto, when the Twerp was doing the Battle Frontier.

Jessie: Why?

Meowth: Because I had more lines in that motto than any other.

James: Oh boy, are we back on that topic again?

Jessie: Just give it a break already!

Meowth: Not until you realize that I deserve just as many lines as you two get!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Jessie, James, and Meowth: No! You don’t get another line!

Jessie: Just get read the next question.

James: Alright, Kymera asks, “Do you ever have competitions with those copycats to see who can come up with the better motto? You know, Cassidy and… Biff I think his name is?”

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Meow We’re Talking

Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted

Announcer: Welcome to Meow We’re Talking, the only talk show hosted by a Pokémon! And here’s your host, Meowth!

*Pre-Recorded Applause*

Meowth: Good evening to all you readers out there. Tonight’s show promises to be a zinger. Our first guest needs no introduction. It’s the blue blob you all love to hate, Wobbuffet!


Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Meowth: Hey Wobbuffet, glad you could make it out tonight.

Wobbuffet: Wobba wobba.

Meowth: Ha, ha, ha! That’s right, me too. So, Wobbuffet, you and I have been a part of Team Rocket for a very long time. In fact, we’re the two Pokémon that have been on for the longest. We’ve outlasted all the rest.

Wobbuffet: Wobba wobba wobbuffet.

Meowth: Yeah, I miss that guy too. He was one of the good ones. Anyways, being on Team Rocket for such a long time tends to give you a certain celebrity status, if you know what I mean. So, I’m sure that our audience wants to know, how has your life changed since being a part of Team Rocket.

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet! Wobba, wobba, wobba. Wobbuffet, wobba. Wobbuffet!

Meowth: I see. Some very interesting insight, very valuable too. I like to think that everything in my life before Team Rocket was just a prologue for my real life. I mean, sure, I may have became the world’s first talking Meowth, but that didn’t mean squat until I joined up with Team Rocket.

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Meowth: I couldn’t have said it better, pal of mine. Now, anyways, I’m sure most of you know that Wobbuffet recently stared in his very own episode of Cosmic Quest. How about we take a look at a clip from it?

On Screen: Wobbuffet is cooking against the chef L’orange on the TV show Sliced. The host declares, “Today you’ll be cooking with…” both chefs open their grab bag and pull out each ingredient as the host names them, “…fresh Moomoo Milk, Durin Berries, Old Gateau, and Leftovers.” Upon pulling the old apple core that is the Leftovers from the bag, Chef L’orange grimaces.

In a cut-away interview, L’orange says with annoyance, “Leftovers? I would not give this item to my own Pokémon. How am I supposed to cook with it?”

Back to the normal show, the host announces, “Alright Chefs, you have twenty minutes to make a dessert to wow our judges and prove that you should be the Sliced Champion. Ready, begin!” Both chefs spring into action.

L’orange runs into the pantry and begins to pull out various items. A voice-over from him explains, “I will be making my world-famous Soufflé L’orange, but instead of the normal berries I use in it, I’ll substitute them for Durin Berries. This fresh Moomoo Milk should help give it the perfect consistency. And I can crumble the Old Gateau over it to make a crust.” He cuts into a Durin Berry and immediately winces and holds his nose as he smells it.

The host says to the panel of three judges, “So, Durin Berries may not be the most pleasant ingredient to work with.”

One judge nods. “Yeah, those things are infamous for how much they reek. The flavor is also a bit of an acquired taste. The chefs will have to be very careful of how they handle it.”

Another judge points out, “And that’s not even the hardest ingredient we gave them. I couldn’t believe it when I saw them pull the Leftovers out of the bag. It is quite literally a discarded apple core with little to no food value. Pokémon are able to use it to heal in battle, but I’m not sure it could actually be eaten.”

Wobbuffet appears completely unfazed by the smell of the berries. It dutifully works away on its dessert.

In another cut-away interview, L’orange has been asked what he thinks of Wobbuffet. “That Pokémon is of no concern to me. I have trained all my life, and it became a chef yesterday. There is no way I could possibly lose to it.”

In a cut-away for Wobbuffet, Wobbuffet simply declares, “Wobbuffet!”

The host warns, “Two minutes left, chefs! You’d better start putting those finishing touches on your plates!”

The cooking continues at a feverish pace. Chef L’orange shaves bits of apple of the Leftovers and sprinkles it over his perfectly risen soufflé. Wobbuffet finishes plating what looks to be a plate of cookies and ice cream. It carefully drizzles an apple-Durin compote over it.

“And that’s time! Bring your dishes up to the judges, and we’ll see who is today’s champion.”

Meowth: Wah ha ha! Who knew you could cook! That one certainly took me by surprise.

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Meowth: Well, maybe you should cook for us sometime. I’d eat those cookies and ice cream any day. And so, not only were you able to cook, but you actually beat that lug, L’orange and became the Sliced Champion. Hey, isn’t there a cash prize for that? What happened to the money?

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Meowth: That’s a crime shame right there. Oh well, what are you going to do? Now, I think the best part about that episode is that you winning Sliced wasn’t even the craziest part. You ended up going into outer space, and then the Moon. If a Meowth has nine lives, this episode made it seems like you lived ten.

Wobbuffet: Wobba wobba, wobbuffet.

Meowth: Meow we’re talking. So, is there anything else we should all know about you?

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet! Wobba wobba. Wobba, wobbuffet, wobba. Wobbuffet!

Meowth: I’m shocked. Who would have thunk. Even though I’ve known you for so long, I feel like I’m looking at a completely different Wobbuffet. You heard it here first, folks! Will you look at the time! We’re all out of it! I’d like to thank you once again for coming out tonight, Wobbuffet, it was a pleasure. Is there anything else you’d like to say before we’re done?

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Meowth: Absolutely. And also, all you readers, don’t forget that you can ask any questions you’d like to our guest, or even me, in our Team Rocket Q and A session being held later tonight. Just leave a comment asking the questions, and we’ll answer. Thank you, and good night!


Yu-Gi-What Now?

Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted

James: When we captured Yuni Oha, this website and his story weren’t the only things we gained control of.

Jessie: While looking through Yuni Oha’s WordPress account, we found another website he runs, the Yu-Gi-Oh! Millennium Official Website. But what the heck is Yu-Gi-Oh?

Meowth: We were intrigued enough to investigate, so we read Yuni Oha’s first story, Yu-Gi-Oh! Millennium. Now, let me just say, I was very confused.

James: If my understanding is correct, this is some sort of bizzaro world where people use cards to capture Pokémon instead of Pokéballs. What Pokémon is sent into battle is determined by what card is on the top of the deck, and a trainer can use up to five Pokémon at once, and have 40 of them in their deck. What kind of battles are these!?

Jessie: And don’t forget those Spell and Trap thingies. It’s almost as if these people take pleasure in finding strange ways to torture their Pokémon while they battle.

Meowth: Not even Team Rocket would approve of such cruelty.

James: And don’t forget the hair. Everyone has really ridiculous hair.

Jessie: Yeah, that main character guy obviously has no sense of what a good hair style is. I thought I had to use a lot of hair gel to get my hair to perfectly stand the way it does, that guy must go through multiple bottles every day.

Meowth: And I’m sorry, but that plot completely lost me. It was totally unrealistic. You’re telling me that not only does some random guy have some other random guy from 5,000 years ago who looks just like him inside his head, but that guy in turn had yet another guy who looked like both them in his head from another 5,000 years before that!? Who comes up with this stuff!?

James: Don’t forget the fact that evil masterminds were attempting to take over and/or destroy the world using what essentially amounts to being a children’s card game.

Jessie: Don’t remind me. Those villains need to grow up and act their age.

Meowth: Obviously, if Team Rocket were to invade their world, they would stand no chance.

Jessie and James: Agreed.

James: And what’s the deal with The Chronicles of Yugoha spin-off story? Yuni Oha started writing a year ago, wrote a handful of chapters, and then stopped without any warning. Does he just not care?

Meowth: Obviously he realized that writing about Pokémon was much important, and made a whole lot more sense.

James: Who knows? All I know is that those stories had some weird stuff.

Jessie: We can all agree on that.

Masters of Disguise

Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted


??? (Short): Hello there, you’re probably wondering who we are, right?

??? (Red Hair): Would it surprise you to know that you actually know us?

??? (Blue Hair): This is probably going to blow your mind, but we’re actually Team Rocket!

Meowth: That’s right! It’s us! Bet we had you totally fooled! And that’s exactly what we intended. It is absolutely essential that a Team Rocket operative be a master of disguise.

James: And that’s exactly what we are. Time and time again we have fooled the twerps, who probably know us by appearance better than anyone else, into thinking that we are completely different people.

Jessie: We have the ability to seamlessly adopt new personas and blend into any situation.

Meowth: And if you’re working for Team Rocket, it’s a very important skill. So on this post, we’ll share our vast knowledge of disguise with you, the lucky reader.

Jessie: The right disguise can be the difference between nabbing Pikachu and not. If you can sneak up on your target without it realizing, then you’re that much closer to succeeding.

James: But one cannot go picking out random outfits, willy-nilly. You must carefully decide upon which costume best fits the required task.

Meowth: Their are three different categories of costumes, and each has its own situation where it is best used. There’s costumes for blending in, costumes for gaining trust, and costumes for getting a job.

James: The first category, costumes for blending in, is used for when you want to enter a heavily populated area without arousing suspicion. These sorts of costumes tend to be civilian clothes, but can also be changed to meet whatever circumstances your going into. For example, if you’re at a circus, dressing as a clown is the perfect way to blend in. Alternatively, if you’re feeling uninspired, a good old fashioned trench coat, hat, and sunglasses makes for a good disguise.

Jessie: Costumes used for gaining trust are what you want to use when you’ll be interacting with your targets. This is where disguises really come in handy. If the person you’re trying to steal Pokémon from trusts you, then it becomes all the easier to steal from them. Hey, they might even hand over their Pokémon to you of their own free will. These sorts of costumes tend to be made to make you look like figures of integrity and trustworthiness. Disguising yourself as scientists, doctors, charity workers, and the like will certainly get people to trust you. Also possible is to dress up as actual people, and pretend to be them. If your targets trust these people, then things are quite easy.

Meowth: The final category of costumes isn’t necessarily used for stealing Pokémon. The truth is, sometimes you just need that little bit of extra cash to fund your thievery. This is best done by getting a job, and the right disguise will get you the job every time. Plus, if a couple of twerps happen to walk into your place of employment, they won’t have a clue who you are, giving you the perfect opportunity to steal some Pokémon.

Jessie: No matter what costume type you’re using, you’ve got to make sure that it fits both the scenario you’re in, and the plan you have. It would immediately tip off any nearby twerps if you’re dressed up as Eskimos in the middle of a desert.

James: And, if you’re feeling daring, step up the disguise level a notch and dress as the opposite gender. No one well ever suspect it!

Meowth: You’ve just got to make sure that you stay in character. There is an art form to assuming the identity you have chosen for yourself. You must treat it as if you are an actor on stage.

Jessie: And as long as you wear a disguise and stay in character, no twerp will ever recognize you, ever. You don’t even need to change your hairdo or color.

Meowth: Or hide the fact that you’re not actually a human. The disguise removes any need to do any of that. You’d be amazed with what we can get away with.

James: And that’s it! With all these tips in mind, yo could all become masters of disguise!

Jessie: And if you have any further questions about disguises, be sure to ask in the comments.


Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet! Wobba, wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba wobbuffet wobba, wobba! Wobbuffet! Wobba wobba! Wob buf fet! Wobbuffet! Wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba wobba wobba wobba wobba wobba wobba wobba, wobba wobba! Wobbufet, wobbuffet! Wobba, wobba, wobba, wobbuffet! Wobbuffet! Wobba! Wobba! Wobbuffet, wobba wobba! Wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba wobba! Wobbuffet! Wobbuffet! Wobbuffet! Wobbuffet! Wobbuffet! Wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba, wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba wobbuffet wobba, wobba! Wobbuffet! Wobba wobba! Wob buf fet! Wobba, wobbuffet! Wobbuffet! Wobba! Wobba! Wobbuffet! Wobba, wobba, wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba wobba! Wobbuffet! Wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba, wobba, wobbuffet! Wobba wobba! WOOOOOBBUUUUUUFFEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jessie: Hey! Get off that computer, you bloated blue blob!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Sneak Peak

Team Rocket Takeover Stamp Slanted

Jessie: Please ignore that last post. It was…

Meowth: It was a test! Yeah, a test. That’s all it was. Nothing more. Nothing to look into at all.

James: So while we figure out how to delete posts, how about you take a look at this, instead of that other one.

Jessie: We, as your benevolent Rocket overlords, are presenting to you an exclusive preview of the new Pokémon Cosmic Quest.

Meowth: Enjoy!

Cosmic Quest
Rocket Quest

Episode 91: Team Rocket Victorious

Today we join our heroes on an extra special day, a day where everything you thought you knew will change forever.

Ash, Brock, and Brenda are in Cosm City, continuing Brenda’s training for her upcoming contest.

What!? You thought I was talking about them? They’re not your heroes anymore. These are your heroes now.

Jessie, James, and Meowth are spying on them from behind a nearby stand. Meowth declares, “This is it. I can sense it. Today is different. Today is the day that we’re destined to capture Pikachu.”

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