And So Ends a Glorious Day

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Well, it’s the end of the day, and it’s been a great one.

James: We’ve talked about, interacted with, and played our favorite video games. What could be better?

Jessie: But just because this day is over, don’t think the Team Rocket fun is. We’ve got some big changes planned for this website.

James: First off, effective immediately, Pokémon Sol Version is to renamed Pokémon Rocket Version. We will take Yuni Oha’s pitiful game design and turn it into a true masterpiece worthy of the Team Rocket brand name.

Yuni Oha: No! I cannot allow that!

Jessie: What are you doing here?

Meowth: We gave you the boot after we won this website fair and square!

Yuni Oha: I’ve come for a rematch.

James: Ha! And why would we give you that? We already won!

Yuni Oha: Because, if you beat me this time, then I will personally rewrite every episode of Cosmic Quest to work in your favor.

Jessie: [Whispers to James and Meowth] Guys, we may have control over everything, but we still suck as writers.

James: Yeah, if he could rewrite everything, it would put us even more in control than we already are.

Meowth: You think you guys can beat him again?

Jessie: What kind of question is that? Of course we can.

James: [Aloud] We accept your rematch.

Yuni Oha: [Nods] We’ll still play by your ruleset, but this time we’re playing on a stage of my choice.

Jessie: It makes no difference what stage we play. Bring it on.

Yuni Oha: And now I’ll finish this off with one final Flare Blitz!

Jessie, James, and Meowth: What!? No! Team Rocket’s blasting off again! [Somehow physically sent flying by the results of the game]

Yuni Oha: [Sigh of relief] Whew… that’s finally over. I apologize for anything those three may have done. I will immediately get back to work and fix everything on this website they vandalized. Thank you all for sticking with me.

Team Rocket Q&A Session III

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

James: Well, we’ve made it to the end of yet another wonderful Team Rocket Takeover. You know, I think I’m really beginning to enjoy these things.

Jessie: Me too. I’ve been looking forward to answering more questions all year.

Meowth: In that case, let’s get this Q&A Session started! The first question of the night comes from… oh dear…

Jessie: What? Who is it?

Meowth: [Gulps nervously] It comes from our… friend… Blacklight the Hedgehog, from The Chaos Project Website…

James: [Excitedly] Really? Blacklight left a question? Go on a read it!

Meowth: You’re not going to like this one James. Blacklight asks, “If the three of you were to engage in a deathmatch, who would be the first to die, and why would it be James?”

James: [With dismay] Wha!?

Jessie: He certainly has a way with words. Let’s be honest, it would be James.

James: What!? Why!?

Meowth: Well, for one thing, I’m a Pokémon. No human is match for a Pokémon… unless that human is Jessie…

Jessie: [Confidently] My ferocity knows no bounds.

James: Okay… I suppose I wouldn’t ever want to pick a fight with Jessie, and you’ve got a point about being a Pokémon, Meowth… Wow… it really would be me…

Jessie: Cheer up James, it’s not like we’re going to end up in an actual death match any time soon. It doesn’t matter. Here, maybe this next question will help cheer you up. It’s from hollo-c, who asks, “Have you guys played any of the other Mystery Dungeon games? Which one is your favorite?”

Continue reading

Meow We’re Talking, Episode 3

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Announcer: Live, from Yuni Oha’s room! Welcome to Meow We’re Talking! The only talk show hosted by a Pokémon!

Meow Were Talking

Announcer: And here’s your host, Meowth!

[Pre-recorded applause]

Meowth: Thank you, thank you! You’re too kind! Have you been looking forward to this show? I sure have. I’ve been counting down the days. We’ve got a special guest appearing on tonight show. They need no introduction. Put your paws together for Mime Jr.!

[Applause]

Mime Jr.: [Waves happily as walking to stage] Mime mime mime!

Meowth: Great to have you here, Mime Jr.

Mime Jr.: Mime mime!

Meowth: Now, those in our audience may be wondering why Mime Jr. is here. After all, today has been a day dedicated to video games. What does Mime Jr. have to do with this theme? Trust me, I’m way ahead of you. You may all know Mime Jr. as a lovable practitioner of mimicry, but what I bet you didn’t know is that Mime Jr. is one of the most dedicated gamers among Pokémon there is.

Mime Jr.: [Modestly] Mime mime, mime mime.

Meowth: Don’t be modest, anyone who’s watched you played knows how great your skills are. I wish I was that good. Tell us, how is it you got so good?

Mime Jr.: Mime mime mime, mime mime. Mime mime mime. Mime. Mime, mime mime. Mime mime.

Meowth: [Nodding] I see. It all started out by coping others playing video games, but eventually you found you had a talent of you own for it. How about you share with the audience some of your most impressive feats in gaming?

Mime Jr.: Mime, mime mime. Mime mime mime mime. Mime-mime mime. Mime mime mime mime mime mime-mine, mine mine. Mime, mime, mime mime. Mime mime mime-mime, mime mime. Mime mime mime.

Meowth: [Sounding impressed] Wow. That’s quite the list you’v got there. I thought beating Super Mario Odyssey normally was difficult enough, but you’re telling me you beat it without once pressing the jump button? I don’t know how that’s possible. And that’s probably the simplest thing on your list.

Mime Jr.: [Shrugs modestly] Mime.

Meowth: Speaking of crazy gaming feats, we recently witnessed Wobbuffet defeating Calamity Ganon in Breath of the Wild using nothing but a tree branch. No clothes, no shield, no bow, just a tree branch. I thought this was absolutely insane. What do you think?

Mime Jr.: [Indifferently] Mime mime mime.

Meowth: It’s okay? You think you can do better?

Mime Jr.: Mime mime, mime mime mime.

Meowth: Woah, you say he was cheating, because he upgraded his hearts and stamina first. You claim you can do it with no upgrades? Now this I have to see some day.

Mime Jr.: Mime mime mime. Mime mime.

Meowth: It’s a date. Now, what would you say your favorite video game is?

Mime Jr.: Mime-mime mime-mime-mime mime-mime mime.

Meowth: Super Mario Maker 2? An excellent choice.

Mime Jr.: Mime mime mime, mime mime mime. Mime-mime mime mime, mime mime. Mime mime mime. Mime.

Meowth: Wow, you practice playing random expert difficulty levels so you can be ready for anything, and you think that means you can beat anyone in two-player mode on any stage?

???: I accept that challenge!

Meowth: [With shock] Huh!? Who was that!?

Mewtwo: [Suddenly appears] Mime Jr., I challenge you to a one-on-one Mario Maker race! If you think you’re so good, prove it!

Mime Jr.: Mime mime!

Meowth: [Grinning profusely] Oh boy, this will be great for ratings! Okay folks, looks like we’ve got our self a contest. Let’s set up the Switches and play some Mario Maker!

Later…

Meowth: Okay, the rules are simple. This will be a two player Mario Maker race. First to make it to the end of the level wins. For those interested in playing along at home, the level being played here is a part of Yuni Oha’s very own Super Mario Continuum, a series of over 50 levels made in Mario Maker 2 designed to played together as a game with a story centered around time travel. The level in question is 8-?: Chrono Collapse Chaos. The level code is X9G-BF0-GXG. This level is the final level of the main game, taking place after the final boss fight. It features a castle that’s literally crumbling around Mario as he attempts to escape before its complete collapse. If you’re interested in playing this or other levels made by Yuni Oha, you can also see the entirety of his Super Mario Continuum game by entering his Maker ID Code, LKX-HBQ-GTG. With that business out of the way, let’s start this race! I’ll be providing play-by-play commentary. Players, are you ready?

Mime Jr.: Mime mime!

Mewtwo: I’m always ready.

Meowth: Okay! Begin! And they’re off! Both players manage to avoid the immediate falling saw blades, ejected off of the time machine! And oh! Mime Jr. is nearly crushed by the second falling block, but manages to squeeze through! Mewtwo hops right over the podoboo with expert grace! These two are neck and neck out of the gate! Now it’s on to the collapsing blue platforms! Mewtwo goes for three quick hops, while Mime Jr. performs and expert triple-jump! Ooh! Mewtwo grabs the first of the three 30-Coins for the level as it falls from the sky! Now our contestants must wait for for the wall before them to be destroyed, avoiding the falling debris in the meantime! That was a close call for Mime Jr., but it managed to avoid the debris! Now the Bob-omb has destroyed the wall, and the players may continue! What’s that!? It’s raining Boom Booms, it would seem! Both players avoid the falling mad lad, allowing it to sink into the lava! And now its a bombarding blitz of big Bob-ombs! Mewtwo is nearly hit by one, but manages to stay alive! Mewtwo is the first to the checkpoint flag! Can Mime Jr. take the lead back!? Looks like it’s going to be hard, as a stray falling Bill Blaster nearly hits Mime Jr. with a Bullet Bill as Mime Jr. attempts to navigate the collapsing floor! Both Mewtwo and Mime Jr. grab a Super Mushroom! Now they can take an extra hit! Mime Jr. manages to jump over Mewtwo in order to nab the second of the three 30-Coins! And look! A massive Bill Blaster has blocked the way! Our racers must now wait for it to sink into the lava to proceed! Looks like Mime Jr. is the first one up and over, taking the lead! Now the players deal with yet another wall that must be destroyed, while contending with collapsing floor and falling debris! Mewtwo takes back the lead once the wall is destroyed! Both players miss the third and final 30-Coin as they jump from one falling platform to the next! We’re in the home stretch, folks! Mime Jr. narrowly avoids being knocked off the final falling platform by a falling block! Things start getting more intense! The debris is falling faster than ever! Saw blades are flying! There it is! The ax at the end of the level! Whoever hits it first is the winner! We’re neck and neck! Either could take this and… Oooooh! Mewtwo is knocked backwards by one of the final falling blocks! Is this it!? Mime Jr. leaps at the ax! The ax falls! GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAL! Mime Jr. wins!

[Applause]

Mewtwo: [Enraged disbelief] No! How is this possible!? How could I lose!?

Mime Jr.: [Extends a hand to offer a handshake] Mime mime.

Mewtwo: [Sighs and shakes hand] Yes, it was a good game. You have my respect. I am done here. [Teleports away]

Meowth: [Under breath] Geeze, he could have let me interview him before he left. [Aloud] Congratulations, Mime Jr. You really showed your stuff.

Mime Jr.: Mime mime, mime mime mime!

Meowth: Any tips for aspiring gamers out there?

Mime Jr: [Ponders momentarily, then answers] Mime mime. Mime mime mime, mime. Mime-mime-mime mime mime. Mime mime mime.

Meowth: [Nods] Such profound advise. Thanks for being on the show, Mime Jr.

Mime Jr.: Mime mime mime!

Meowth: And that’s all the time we’ve got, folks. Want anymore gamin advise? Any other questions for Mime Jr.? The Team Rocket Q&A Session is nearly upon us. This is your last chance to leave a comment asking us any questions that may come to mind, and we’ll answer them all. Until then, thank you, and good night!

[Applause]

MAJOR New Pokémon Announcement!!! Sword and Shield DLC Canceled!? Visit Every Region in One Game!?

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Listen up guys, our creator works with Nintendo, so we’ve got some insider information.

Jessie: In just three days, Nintendo will release its next Nintendo Direct. The main focus of this direct will be to announce the newest Pokémon games.

James: You see, since everyone seemed to complain so much about Sword and Shield missing Pokémon, Game Freak decided to cut their losses and cancel the Isle of Armor and Crown Tundra DLC for the games. Instead, they’re focusing on bringing us the next generation of Pokémon games this year.

Meowth: And you’re welcome, because we have the first leaked images of these games, as well as information on them. Here they are:

Jessie: That’s right, the newest Pokémon games are called Pokémon Jessie Version and Pokémon James Version.

James: Not only do these games feature the best cover art of any Pokémon game to date, but they have the content to match it.

Meowth: He’s not kidding. Our sources say these games will feature over 200 new Pokémon, in the the brand new region known as Rocketo. But in addition to that, it will natively feature all previously existing Pokémon as well, bringing the total number of Pokémon available in-game, without transferring up past 1,000! These are truly the biggest Pokémon games ever!

James: And he doesn’t just mean that in respect to the number of Pokémon. The reason all Pokémon are available in-game is because you can visit every region! Even the Tenno Region, appearing for its first time in an officially sanctioned Pokémon game!

Jessie: And with all those regions returning, there will be a load of returning features as well! Including, but not limited to Pokémon Contests, PokéStar Studios, Pokémon Musicals, the Pokéathlon, the Battle Frontier, the Pokémon World Tournament, and so much more! Not only that, but Pokémon will once again be able to follow their trainer, just like in Heart Gold, Soul Silver, and Let’s Go Pikachu and Eevee.

Meowth: But that’s not even the best part. A year after the release of those games, Game Freak will release the special third version, and we’ve got info on that too!

Meowth Version

Meowth: That’s right! Pokémon Meowth Version will also be coming, to improve upon the already amazing experience of Jessie and James Versions.

James: How does it do that? We don’t know! We’re just taking Game Freak’s word for it.

Jessie: You heard it here first, folks! Prepare for the greatest Pokémon experience of your lives!

Meowth: We know plenty more about these games too, so be sure to leave a comment asking any questions you may have about them, so we can answer them during our Team Rocket Q&A Session!

Live Streaming the Defeat of Calamity Ganon with a Tree Branch

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet! [Sets up live stream on Jessie’s Breath of the Wild account]

Defeating Calamity Ganon With Only a Tree Branch

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

[Jessie, James, and Meowth suddenly appear after being kidnapped]

Jessie: Hey! Get off my account! I was already lost as it was!

Wobbuffet: Wobbbuffet!

Meowth: [With utter disbelief] Um… Jessie… you might want to see what Wobbuffet just did…

Jessie: [Looks and exclaims with shock] What!? You just beat the final boss using only a stick!?

James: I can’t believe we missed that! I didn’t even know that was possible!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Team Rocket: Three Houses

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Jessie: All I’m saying is that Edelgard’s Black Eagle House is the superior choice. Edelgard is a warrior princess, whose beauty is surpassed only by her strength! She takes what she wants and cuts her own path into the future, leaving all notions of the status-quo behind. Plus, the Black Eagles are the only house with that dreamboat, Ferdinand von Aegir! In fact, the Black Eagles have all of the best relationship options, which everyone knows is the most important part of any good Fire Emblem game.

James: And I’m saying that you’re wrong! Dimitri’s Blue Lion House is the only story path that matters! It’s a story about character and heart, about rising above tragedy to find a greater purpose in life! The Blue Lions aren’t just a group of faces, but a community with a shared history. The more you learn about these people, the more important it becomes to lead them to success and happiness.

Jessie: Well I still think that players should choose Edelgard.

James: No! Choose Dimitri!

Jessie: Edelgard!

James: Dimitri!

Meowth: This is why I prefer Claude’s Golden Deer House. From humble origins, Claude rises up to become the leader of a ragtag group from all walks of life. And no matter what squabbles break out around him, Claude keeps a level head and a neutral stance, scheming his next plan on the path to achieving his dreams. Sounds a bit like yours truly, eh? Plus, it doesn’t hurt to be the only one of the three to get the full scope of the game’s story.

Jessie: Edelgard!

James: Dimitri!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet?

Meowth: Wobbuffet’s asking about the fourth story path, with the Church of Seiros.

Jessie: Do people actually choose that one?

Meowth: It sure wouldn’t be my first choice.

James: At least we can agree on that.

Mewtwo: [Teleports in] You’re all fools.

Jessie: Oh, great, a Fire Emblem hater is crashing the party.

Mewtwo: Hater? Nothing of the sort. You’re fools because the Church of Seiros route is the only valid choice. It is the only path that permits you to use your godly powers to smite sinners. What greater pleasure could there be?

James: I’ll bet you only picked that path because you wanted to S Support with Archbishop Rhea.

Mewtwo: My Support choices are none of your concern.

Meowth: Nah, I’ll bet Mewtwo liked the little girl, Flayn.

Mewtwo: I’m leaving now. [Teleports out]

Meowth: [Nods] Yeah, I think that was it.

James: I guess now it’s up to you to decide what house to pick. If you need any help picking (not that you should), ask us for more advice, and we’ll answer during the Team Rocket Q&A Session.

Sonic the Hedgehog Trivia Session

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

James: Gotta go fast! In this post we’ll be discussing a game series near and dear to my heart, Sonic the Hedgehog. In the past year since you’ve seen us, Yuni Oha has guest written a chapter for the Sonic story The Chaos Project, and since we’ve taken control of everything that’s Yuni Oha’s, that chapter belongs to us too.

Blacklight: Ooh, did someone say Chaos Project?

Meowth: [With dismay] Who’s this lug!?

James: Ohmigosh! It’s Blacklight the Hedgehog!

Jessie: I know a little about Sonic, and I’ve never heard of… what was his name…?

Blacklight: Excuse me!? Never heard of the greatest recolored OC of all time!? 

Meowth: I thought that was Shadow.

Blacklight: Do you even know what the word OC means?

Meowth: It’s not even a word, it’s two letters.

James: OC means original character, a character created for fan fiction, such as The Chaos Project.

Blacklight: Yeah. Like Brenda.

Jessie: The Twerpette? I promise you, she’s very real, much to my disdain.

Blacklight: [Sarcastically] Suuuuure she is. And I suppose that episode my boss wrote for Pokémon Cosmic Quest was a totally real event too, wasn’t it?

Meowth: I stopped questioning how reality works the moment we first took over this website and story…

James: Enough of this. What are you doing here, Blacklight?

Blacklight: Well, my pals and I were doing a takeover on another website—

Jessie: Hey, I’ll have you know that Team Rocket has copyrighted the website takeover event!

Meowth: Yeah, you’ll be hearing from our lawyers!

Blacklight: Oh yeah, I totally stole the idea from you guys. But no copyright law in the universe is going to stop me!

James: Hey, I got that reference!

Blacklight: Well at least there’s someone cultured here.

James: Does it really take someone of culture to know about Sonic Colors?

Blacklight: Touché. But as I was saying, I heard that you guys were going to talk about Sonic, and I just had to make sure that you got all your facts straight.

Jessie: Are you insinuating that we don’t fact-check? I’ll have you know that I worked hard to confirm the fact that Sonic is a Normal and Electric-Type Pokémon known for its speed.

Blacklight: Oh, dear Lords… Hence, why I’m here.

James: Yeah… I couldn’t really explain the concept of non-Pokémon creatures to her.

Blacklight: Sure, sure. So why don’t you guys go on with what you were planning on talking about, and I’ll stop when you’re wrong?

James: Trust me, I won’t be wrong.

Blacklight: Prove it, blue boy.

James: Okay then. Obscure Sonic trivia it is. Many people know that Mario was originally known as Jumpman, what people don’t know is that Sonic’s original name was Mr. Needlemouse.

Blacklight: Pfft. You call that obscure? Everyone learned that after it was used for the advertising of Sonic 4.

James: Okay then. How about this one? Dr. Robotnik was actually the first Sonic character created, as a concept for the game’s main character.

Blacklight: EHHHH! Wrong! The Robotnik name was only created for American audiences after the game was well into development. The character you’re referring to is Eggman.

James: But then Sonic Adventure 2 canonized the name Robotnik in all languages, with the introduction of Gerald Robotnik.

Blacklight: Well that’s– Umm… Uhhhhhh…

Jessie: But if Eggman was the original name, isn’t that what matters?

Meowth: Sure, Musashi.

Blacklight: Wait, stop, I’m still trying to think of a comeback. Uhhh…

James: And fun fact about Adventure 2, even though the Moon is half destroyed, it’s shown multiple times in later games in its complete form. According to developers, we’re simply seeing the other side of the Moon.

Blacklight: But that doesn’t even make any sense! Why would they say that when it’s clearly impossible!? I mean, the Moon can just turn around and then stop like that!

James: I never said it makes any sense.

Jessie: [Whispers to Meowth] Are you as lost as me?

Meowth: For once, yes.

Blacklight: And if we want to talk about stupid decisions by developers, how about the fact that they specifically showed all Wisps leaving the planet after Sonic Colors, but then magically had them stick around in all future games!?

James: Oho! You’re forgetting about Sonic Runners, the mobile game taken offline in 2016! As silly as that game may have been, it actually had a plot that explained why there were still Wisps!

Blacklight: [Rising anger] A mobile game!? That doesn’t even exist anymore!? You’ve gotta be kidding me right now!

Meowth: [Backs away slowly] This is getting too hot for me…

James: [Taunting] If you want to hear something really ridiculous, Mr. Iizuka, the head of Sonic Team, claims that Sonic takes place in-

Blacklight: [Gritting teeth] I swear, if you try to convince me that there are two different worlds…

James: I never said I was going to try to convince you. It’s little more than a ridiculous fan theory from someone who happens to matter.

Blacklight: Wait…so…you’re not one of those people who blindly believes everything a developer says just because they can abuse their power?

James: Of course not! The idea that Sonic splits his time between a human world and an animal world in different games is just plain silly!

Blacklight: Exactly! Just because there are lots of humans in some games and only one human in others doesn’t mean they take place on different planets! Of course, there are, like, eight other interpretations of that theory, but they’re all just as ridiculous.

Jessie: Correct me if I’m wrong, but one of you is a human, and one of you is an animal, and you’re both from different worlds…

Blacklight and James: Shut up!

[Phone ringing]

James: Is that a Crush 40 ringtone?

Blacklight: [Thumbs up. Picks up phone] Hello?

Phone: [Incoherent mumbles]

Blacklight: Eggman is doing what!? I’ll be right there! [Hangs up] Hey guys, wanna be on the show over on my website?

Meowth: As… tempting… as that offer sounds, we’re way too busy here for that.

Blacklight: Too bad, I need one more interview session. James, you grab Meowth. I’ll grab Jessie.

James: [Hesitates] Um… How about you just give me a chance to convince them to come of their own free will?

Blacklight: Aww, that’s less fun… But I’m holding you to that! Bye! [Teleports away]

Jessie and Meowth: [Sigh of relief]

James: I’m going to miss him.

Jessie: I’m not. But you know what else you don’t want to miss? Our Team Rocket Q&A Session. Leave a comment to ask a question, and we’ll answer!

Blacklight: [Teleports in] I’ll be glad to answer any questions for me! [Teleports away]

Meowth: Yay…

Pokémon Crossing

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Hello? Guys? Has anyone seen Jessie and James? They were supposed to meet me here so we could talk about Animal Crossing. [Sighs] Let me guess, they got to absorbed into the game to meet me… again… Seriously, I don’t get the appeal of that game. It’s not as if they don’t already live a life where they’re constantly in dept, forced to perform menial tasks to earn money, and live with a talking animal. What’s the point?

Meanwhile…

James: Wow Jessie, your flower garden is gorgeous!

Jessie: I know. I needed something in this town to be almost as beautiful as me, or else things would get boring.

James: Hey, looks like Nook wants to upgrade my house again! [Excitedly] Looks like I’m back in dept! Yay!

Jessie: I love talking to all my cat villagers. I wish cats could actually talk.

James: Don’t be silly. Hey, I think I’m going to build a bridge here, what do you think?

Mewtwo: Yes, build a bridge. It will make the capture of ocean fish that much easier.

James: Thanks Mewtwo! I’m so glad we decided to play together.

Mewtwo: [Fiercely] Be quiet! I’m catching a tarantula!

Jessie: Hey Mewtwo, could we trade fruits?

Mewtwo: What fruit does your town have?

Jessie: Cherries.

Mewtwo: [Angrily] Absolutely not! I despise cherries! How dare you suggest I allow the lowest of fruits into my perfect town! You might as well be suggesting that I plant a non-hybrid flower in my garden! Or that I allow a villager to build their house in the middle of my business district!

Jessie and James: [Backs away slowly]

James: [Whsipers] Okay, maybe not such a good idea after all…

Rocket Speed Runs

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Jessie: We’ve heard that people like watching games be done at ridiculously high speeds, otherwise known as speed runs.

James: So, we figured, why not host a speed run of our own.

Meowth: Today we’ll be speed running a classic. One of the world’s most well-known video games. Pong.

Jessie: Oh Pong, such a simple, yet elegant game. I couldn’t think of a better game to speed run.

James: Let’s establish the rules. This will be a any%, glitchless speed run. Pong is considered beaten when one side earns 11 points.

Meowth: And to spice things up, we’ve also learned that apparently it’s completely acceptable to use technology to aid in the speed run. Sounds like cheating to me, but seeing as we’re the bad guys, we don’t care. Therefore, this will be a TAS (or tool-assisted speed run, for those not in the know). A special computer program I threw together will be controlling both players in order to ensure maximum efficiency.

Jessie: With all that figured out, let’s get ourselves into the record books!

Image result for pong video game

James: There it goes! This is so exciting!

Jessie: Oh! Reflected!

Meowth: Wait, that’s not a good thing, that means this run will take that much longer.

James: Don’t worry about it, we’e still on track for the world record.

One Hour Later…

Image result for pong video game

Jessie: Still at 0-0, imagine that.

James: We’re doing everything right, right?

Meowth: I made the best Pong-playing computer possible.

Five Hours Later…

Image result for pong video game

James: So… um… when does something happen…?

Meowth: Eventually…

One Day Later…

Image result for pong video game

Jessie: …

James: …

Meowth: …

One Week Later…

Image result for pong video game

Meowth: You know, in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to have both sides controlled by a perfect computer. This game is looking like a true stalemate.

Jessie: You think so?

James: Hey guys, I’ve been doing some research. There’s actually no recorded world record for a speed run of Pong. We’re still in the running!

Meowth and Jessie: Yeah!

One Year Later…

Image result for pong video game

James: … … … Have we really wasted the past year of our lives watching this endless game of Pong?

Jessie: Yeah, I’m really beginning to question my choices in life now.

Meowth: Be quiet you two! Player 1 is about to score! I sense it! Look! It’s going to make it! It’s going to score! The tie is going to broken! My life is going to have meaning-!

Jessie: And it’s reflected.

Meowth: … … … … … …

James: Hey, you guys remember that time machine I bought to play Metroid Prime 4?

Jessie and Meowth: What about it?

James: I think we should use it, so we can go back to before we made this horrible decision to speed-run Pong.

Jessie and Meowth: Yes!

One Year Earlier…

Meowth: Well, that was a complete bust. Guess we’re not cut out for the speed-running business.

Jessie: I never want to hear another electronic beep ever again.

James: It wasn’t that bad…

Meowth: Beep.

James: AHHHHHH!

Meowth: Yeah, me too. Well, I guess I better remind you all about our Team Rocket Q&A Session. We had originally missed it in order to keep track of the speed run, but now that we’re back, I guess we’re hosting it again. Ask away.

Team Rocket Plays Pokémon

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Remember how a couple years ago there was that whole “Twitch Plays Pokémon” thing that was all the rage? Well, Team Rocket decided to replicate it for themselves, to see what would happen. This is Team Rocket Plays Pokémon. (Click the image for a better view.)

rocket plays pokemon (1)

Meowth: As you can imagine, getting a bunch of Team Rocket members (and a few invading twerps) to all play a Pokémon game at the same time led to a very hectic situation. Want to know more about this social experiment? Just ask in a comment, and we’ll answer during our Team Rocket Q&A Session, later tonight.