Episode 113 Review

This was a fun episode to write. I suppose I should start things off by disclaiming, I am by no means a shipper, and I tend to not like shippings in general. This episode was not meant to seen as a Rocket Shipping episode. I’ll admit that it kind of felt like that, but it was more meant to be a character piece for James, exploring his love/hate relationship with Jessie.

Ever since writing the Team Rocket Movie, I’ve been wanting to do some more serious Team Rocket episodes. I realized that I hadn’t yet touched upon their history, before becoming Team Rocket, and the episodes that do that were always some of my favorites, especially James’. So obviously that meant I had to write an episode for James that focused on his engagement with Jessibelle. From there, I realized that setting up a fake wedding between Jessie and James to get Jessibelle off of James’ back could be a fun concept, and I ran with it. The name “Holy Matri-phony” was specifically selected to call back to the original Jessibelle episode, “Holy Matrimony.” I consider this episode to be a sequel to that episode. As such, I watched that episode (along with the other Jessibelle episodes) before writing this episode for inspiration. One thing that resulted from watching that episode is that this episode felt much more like a classic episode of Pokémon, if you ask me. To build an even stronger story for James, I also decided to bring in Nanny and Pop-Pop, even if only in a flashback.

And So Ends a Glorious Day

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Well, it’s the end of the day, and it’s been a great one.

James: We’ve talked about, interacted with, and played our favorite video games. What could be better?

Jessie: But just because this day is over, don’t think the Team Rocket fun is. We’ve got some big changes planned for this website.

James: First off, effective immediately, Pokémon Sol Version is to renamed Pokémon Rocket Version. We will take Yuni Oha’s pitiful game design and turn it into a true masterpiece worthy of the Team Rocket brand name.

Yuni Oha: No! I cannot allow that!

Jessie: What are you doing here?

Meowth: We gave you the boot after we won this website fair and square!

Yuni Oha: I’ve come for a rematch.

James: Ha! And why would we give you that? We already won!

Yuni Oha: Because, if you beat me this time, then I will personally rewrite every episode of Cosmic Quest to work in your favor.

Jessie: [Whispers to James and Meowth] Guys, we may have control over everything, but we still suck as writers.

James: Yeah, if he could rewrite everything, it would put us even more in control than we already are.

Meowth: You think you guys can beat him again?

Jessie: What kind of question is that? Of course we can.

James: [Aloud] We accept your rematch.

Yuni Oha: [Nods] We’ll still play by your ruleset, but this time we’re playing on a stage of my choice.

Jessie: It makes no difference what stage we play. Bring it on.

Yuni Oha: And now I’ll finish this off with one final Flare Blitz!

Jessie, James, and Meowth: What!? No! Team Rocket’s blasting off again! [Somehow physically sent flying by the results of the game]

Yuni Oha: [Sigh of relief] Whew… that’s finally over. I apologize for anything those three may have done. I will immediately get back to work and fix everything on this website they vandalized. Thank you all for sticking with me.

Team Rocket Q&A Session III

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

James: Well, we’ve made it to the end of yet another wonderful Team Rocket Takeover. You know, I think I’m really beginning to enjoy these things.

Jessie: Me too. I’ve been looking forward to answering more questions all year.

Meowth: In that case, let’s get this Q&A Session started! The first question of the night comes from… oh dear…

Jessie: What? Who is it?

Meowth: [Gulps nervously] It comes from our… friend… Blacklight the Hedgehog, from The Chaos Project Website…

James: [Excitedly] Really? Blacklight left a question? Go on a read it!

Meowth: You’re not going to like this one James. Blacklight asks, “If the three of you were to engage in a deathmatch, who would be the first to die, and why would it be James?”

James: [With dismay] Wha!?

Jessie: He certainly has a way with words. Let’s be honest, it would be James.

James: What!? Why!?

Meowth: Well, for one thing, I’m a Pokémon. No human is match for a Pokémon… unless that human is Jessie…

Jessie: [Confidently] My ferocity knows no bounds.

James: Okay… I suppose I wouldn’t ever want to pick a fight with Jessie, and you’ve got a point about being a Pokémon, Meowth… Wow… it really would be me…

Jessie: Cheer up James, it’s not like we’re going to end up in an actual death match any time soon. It doesn’t matter. Here, maybe this next question will help cheer you up. It’s from hollo-c, who asks, “Have you guys played any of the other Mystery Dungeon games? Which one is your favorite?”

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Team Rocket’s Palutena’s Guidance

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

James: Did you know that if you bring Pit and another character into the stage Palutena’s Temple in Super Smash Bros Wii U or Super Smash Bros Ultimate and quickly press Pit’s down taunt button that you’ll receive a voice-acted segment called Palutena’s Guidance? These segments give you history, tips, and jokes about the character you’re facing.

Jessie: Typically, DLC characters don’t get their own Palutena’s Guidance, instead getting a generic message. Well, the Team Rocket DLC Pack introduced two characters that where way too important to not give a Palutena’s Guidance to. So here’s a series of images displaying the entire sequence. Make sure you start viewing with the image showing no text box. If there is one showing, then press the back arrow until you get to one.

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James: It’s almost disturbing how much she knows about us.

Jessie: Well, she is a goddess. Or, at least, almost as much a one as me.

James: But for those of you who aren’t all-knowing, we’ve got our Team Rocket Q&A Session coming later tonight.

MAJOR New Pokémon Announcement!!! Sword and Shield DLC Canceled!? Visit Every Region in One Game!?

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Listen up guys, our creator works with Nintendo, so we’ve got some insider information.

Jessie: In just three days, Nintendo will release its next Nintendo Direct. The main focus of this direct will be to announce the newest Pokémon games.

James: You see, since everyone seemed to complain so much about Sword and Shield missing Pokémon, Game Freak decided to cut their losses and cancel the Isle of Armor and Crown Tundra DLC for the games. Instead, they’re focusing on bringing us the next generation of Pokémon games this year.

Meowth: And you’re welcome, because we have the first leaked images of these games, as well as information on them. Here they are:

Jessie: That’s right, the newest Pokémon games are called Pokémon Jessie Version and Pokémon James Version.

James: Not only do these games feature the best cover art of any Pokémon game to date, but they have the content to match it.

Meowth: He’s not kidding. Our sources say these games will feature over 200 new Pokémon, in the the brand new region known as Rocketo. But in addition to that, it will natively feature all previously existing Pokémon as well, bringing the total number of Pokémon available in-game, without transferring up past 1,000! These are truly the biggest Pokémon games ever!

James: And he doesn’t just mean that in respect to the number of Pokémon. The reason all Pokémon are available in-game is because you can visit every region! Even the Tenno Region, appearing for its first time in an officially sanctioned Pokémon game!

Jessie: And with all those regions returning, there will be a load of returning features as well! Including, but not limited to Pokémon Contests, PokéStar Studios, Pokémon Musicals, the Pokéathlon, the Battle Frontier, the Pokémon World Tournament, and so much more! Not only that, but Pokémon will once again be able to follow their trainer, just like in Heart Gold, Soul Silver, and Let’s Go Pikachu and Eevee.

Meowth: But that’s not even the best part. A year after the release of those games, Game Freak will release the special third version, and we’ve got info on that too!

Meowth Version

Meowth: That’s right! Pokémon Meowth Version will also be coming, to improve upon the already amazing experience of Jessie and James Versions.

James: How does it do that? We don’t know! We’re just taking Game Freak’s word for it.

Jessie: You heard it here first, folks! Prepare for the greatest Pokémon experience of your lives!

Meowth: We know plenty more about these games too, so be sure to leave a comment asking any questions you may have about them, so we can answer them during our Team Rocket Q&A Session!

Live Streaming the Defeat of Calamity Ganon with a Tree Branch

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet! [Sets up live stream on Jessie’s Breath of the Wild account]

Defeating Calamity Ganon With Only a Tree Branch

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

[Jessie, James, and Meowth suddenly appear after being kidnapped]

Jessie: Hey! Get off my account! I was already lost as it was!

Wobbuffet: Wobbbuffet!

Meowth: [With utter disbelief] Um… Jessie… you might want to see what Wobbuffet just did…

Jessie: [Looks and exclaims with shock] What!? You just beat the final boss using only a stick!?

James: I can’t believe we missed that! I didn’t even know that was possible!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet!

Team Rocket: Three Houses

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Jessie: All I’m saying is that Edelgard’s Black Eagle House is the superior choice. Edelgard is a warrior princess, whose beauty is surpassed only by her strength! She takes what she wants and cuts her own path into the future, leaving all notions of the status-quo behind. Plus, the Black Eagles are the only house with that dreamboat, Ferdinand von Aegir! In fact, the Black Eagles have all of the best relationship options, which everyone knows is the most important part of any good Fire Emblem game.

James: And I’m saying that you’re wrong! Dimitri’s Blue Lion House is the only story path that matters! It’s a story about character and heart, about rising above tragedy to find a greater purpose in life! The Blue Lions aren’t just a group of faces, but a community with a shared history. The more you learn about these people, the more important it becomes to lead them to success and happiness.

Jessie: Well I still think that players should choose Edelgard.

James: No! Choose Dimitri!

Jessie: Edelgard!

James: Dimitri!

Meowth: This is why I prefer Claude’s Golden Deer House. From humble origins, Claude rises up to become the leader of a ragtag group from all walks of life. And no matter what squabbles break out around him, Claude keeps a level head and a neutral stance, scheming his next plan on the path to achieving his dreams. Sounds a bit like yours truly, eh? Plus, it doesn’t hurt to be the only one of the three to get the full scope of the game’s story.

Jessie: Edelgard!

James: Dimitri!

Wobbuffet: Wobbuffet?

Meowth: Wobbuffet’s asking about the fourth story path, with the Church of Seiros.

Jessie: Do people actually choose that one?

Meowth: It sure wouldn’t be my first choice.

James: At least we can agree on that.

Mewtwo: [Teleports in] You’re all fools.

Jessie: Oh, great, a Fire Emblem hater is crashing the party.

Mewtwo: Hater? Nothing of the sort. You’re fools because the Church of Seiros route is the only valid choice. It is the only path that permits you to use your godly powers to smite sinners. What greater pleasure could there be?

James: I’ll bet you only picked that path because you wanted to S Support with Archbishop Rhea.

Mewtwo: My Support choices are none of your concern.

Meowth: Nah, I’ll bet Mewtwo liked the little girl, Flayn.

Mewtwo: I’m leaving now. [Teleports out]

Meowth: [Nods] Yeah, I think that was it.

James: I guess now it’s up to you to decide what house to pick. If you need any help picking (not that you should), ask us for more advice, and we’ll answer during the Team Rocket Q&A Session.

Sonic the Hedgehog Trivia Session

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

James: Gotta go fast! In this post we’ll be discussing a game series near and dear to my heart, Sonic the Hedgehog. In the past year since you’ve seen us, Yuni Oha has guest written a chapter for the Sonic story The Chaos Project, and since we’ve taken control of everything that’s Yuni Oha’s, that chapter belongs to us too.

Blacklight: Ooh, did someone say Chaos Project?

Meowth: [With dismay] Who’s this lug!?

James: Ohmigosh! It’s Blacklight the Hedgehog!

Jessie: I know a little about Sonic, and I’ve never heard of… what was his name…?

Blacklight: Excuse me!? Never heard of the greatest recolored OC of all time!? 

Meowth: I thought that was Shadow.

Blacklight: Do you even know what the word OC means?

Meowth: It’s not even a word, it’s two letters.

James: OC means original character, a character created for fan fiction, such as The Chaos Project.

Blacklight: Yeah. Like Brenda.

Jessie: The Twerpette? I promise you, she’s very real, much to my disdain.

Blacklight: [Sarcastically] Suuuuure she is. And I suppose that episode my boss wrote for Pokémon Cosmic Quest was a totally real event too, wasn’t it?

Meowth: I stopped questioning how reality works the moment we first took over this website and story…

James: Enough of this. What are you doing here, Blacklight?

Blacklight: Well, my pals and I were doing a takeover on another website—

Jessie: Hey, I’ll have you know that Team Rocket has copyrighted the website takeover event!

Meowth: Yeah, you’ll be hearing from our lawyers!

Blacklight: Oh yeah, I totally stole the idea from you guys. But no copyright law in the universe is going to stop me!

James: Hey, I got that reference!

Blacklight: Well at least there’s someone cultured here.

James: Does it really take someone of culture to know about Sonic Colors?

Blacklight: Touché. But as I was saying, I heard that you guys were going to talk about Sonic, and I just had to make sure that you got all your facts straight.

Jessie: Are you insinuating that we don’t fact-check? I’ll have you know that I worked hard to confirm the fact that Sonic is a Normal and Electric-Type Pokémon known for its speed.

Blacklight: Oh, dear Lords… Hence, why I’m here.

James: Yeah… I couldn’t really explain the concept of non-Pokémon creatures to her.

Blacklight: Sure, sure. So why don’t you guys go on with what you were planning on talking about, and I’ll stop when you’re wrong?

James: Trust me, I won’t be wrong.

Blacklight: Prove it, blue boy.

James: Okay then. Obscure Sonic trivia it is. Many people know that Mario was originally known as Jumpman, what people don’t know is that Sonic’s original name was Mr. Needlemouse.

Blacklight: Pfft. You call that obscure? Everyone learned that after it was used for the advertising of Sonic 4.

James: Okay then. How about this one? Dr. Robotnik was actually the first Sonic character created, as a concept for the game’s main character.

Blacklight: EHHHH! Wrong! The Robotnik name was only created for American audiences after the game was well into development. The character you’re referring to is Eggman.

James: But then Sonic Adventure 2 canonized the name Robotnik in all languages, with the introduction of Gerald Robotnik.

Blacklight: Well that’s– Umm… Uhhhhhh…

Jessie: But if Eggman was the original name, isn’t that what matters?

Meowth: Sure, Musashi.

Blacklight: Wait, stop, I’m still trying to think of a comeback. Uhhh…

James: And fun fact about Adventure 2, even though the Moon is half destroyed, it’s shown multiple times in later games in its complete form. According to developers, we’re simply seeing the other side of the Moon.

Blacklight: But that doesn’t even make any sense! Why would they say that when it’s clearly impossible!? I mean, the Moon can just turn around and then stop like that!

James: I never said it makes any sense.

Jessie: [Whispers to Meowth] Are you as lost as me?

Meowth: For once, yes.

Blacklight: And if we want to talk about stupid decisions by developers, how about the fact that they specifically showed all Wisps leaving the planet after Sonic Colors, but then magically had them stick around in all future games!?

James: Oho! You’re forgetting about Sonic Runners, the mobile game taken offline in 2016! As silly as that game may have been, it actually had a plot that explained why there were still Wisps!

Blacklight: [Rising anger] A mobile game!? That doesn’t even exist anymore!? You’ve gotta be kidding me right now!

Meowth: [Backs away slowly] This is getting too hot for me…

James: [Taunting] If you want to hear something really ridiculous, Mr. Iizuka, the head of Sonic Team, claims that Sonic takes place in-

Blacklight: [Gritting teeth] I swear, if you try to convince me that there are two different worlds…

James: I never said I was going to try to convince you. It’s little more than a ridiculous fan theory from someone who happens to matter.

Blacklight: Wait…so…you’re not one of those people who blindly believes everything a developer says just because they can abuse their power?

James: Of course not! The idea that Sonic splits his time between a human world and an animal world in different games is just plain silly!

Blacklight: Exactly! Just because there are lots of humans in some games and only one human in others doesn’t mean they take place on different planets! Of course, there are, like, eight other interpretations of that theory, but they’re all just as ridiculous.

Jessie: Correct me if I’m wrong, but one of you is a human, and one of you is an animal, and you’re both from different worlds…

Blacklight and James: Shut up!

[Phone ringing]

James: Is that a Crush 40 ringtone?

Blacklight: [Thumbs up. Picks up phone] Hello?

Phone: [Incoherent mumbles]

Blacklight: Eggman is doing what!? I’ll be right there! [Hangs up] Hey guys, wanna be on the show over on my website?

Meowth: As… tempting… as that offer sounds, we’re way too busy here for that.

Blacklight: Too bad, I need one more interview session. James, you grab Meowth. I’ll grab Jessie.

James: [Hesitates] Um… How about you just give me a chance to convince them to come of their own free will?

Blacklight: Aww, that’s less fun… But I’m holding you to that! Bye! [Teleports away]

Jessie and Meowth: [Sigh of relief]

James: I’m going to miss him.

Jessie: I’m not. But you know what else you don’t want to miss? Our Team Rocket Q&A Session. Leave a comment to ask a question, and we’ll answer!

Blacklight: [Teleports in] I’ll be glad to answer any questions for me! [Teleports away]

Meowth: Yay…

Pokémon Crossing

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Meowth: Hello? Guys? Has anyone seen Jessie and James? They were supposed to meet me here so we could talk about Animal Crossing. [Sighs] Let me guess, they got to absorbed into the game to meet me… again… Seriously, I don’t get the appeal of that game. It’s not as if they don’t already live a life where they’re constantly in dept, forced to perform menial tasks to earn money, and live with a talking animal. What’s the point?

Meanwhile…

James: Wow Jessie, your flower garden is gorgeous!

Jessie: I know. I needed something in this town to be almost as beautiful as me, or else things would get boring.

James: Hey, looks like Nook wants to upgrade my house again! [Excitedly] Looks like I’m back in dept! Yay!

Jessie: I love talking to all my cat villagers. I wish cats could actually talk.

James: Don’t be silly. Hey, I think I’m going to build a bridge here, what do you think?

Mewtwo: Yes, build a bridge. It will make the capture of ocean fish that much easier.

James: Thanks Mewtwo! I’m so glad we decided to play together.

Mewtwo: [Fiercely] Be quiet! I’m catching a tarantula!

Jessie: Hey Mewtwo, could we trade fruits?

Mewtwo: What fruit does your town have?

Jessie: Cherries.

Mewtwo: [Angrily] Absolutely not! I despise cherries! How dare you suggest I allow the lowest of fruits into my perfect town! You might as well be suggesting that I plant a non-hybrid flower in my garden! Or that I allow a villager to build their house in the middle of my business district!

Jessie and James: [Backs away slowly]

James: [Whsipers] Okay, maybe not such a good idea after all…

Rocket Speed Runs

Team Rocket Takeover III Stamp Slanted

Jessie: We’ve heard that people like watching games be done at ridiculously high speeds, otherwise known as speed runs.

James: So, we figured, why not host a speed run of our own.

Meowth: Today we’ll be speed running a classic. One of the world’s most well-known video games. Pong.

Jessie: Oh Pong, such a simple, yet elegant game. I couldn’t think of a better game to speed run.

James: Let’s establish the rules. This will be a any%, glitchless speed run. Pong is considered beaten when one side earns 11 points.

Meowth: And to spice things up, we’ve also learned that apparently it’s completely acceptable to use technology to aid in the speed run. Sounds like cheating to me, but seeing as we’re the bad guys, we don’t care. Therefore, this will be a TAS (or tool-assisted speed run, for those not in the know). A special computer program I threw together will be controlling both players in order to ensure maximum efficiency.

Jessie: With all that figured out, let’s get ourselves into the record books!

Image result for pong video game

James: There it goes! This is so exciting!

Jessie: Oh! Reflected!

Meowth: Wait, that’s not a good thing, that means this run will take that much longer.

James: Don’t worry about it, we’e still on track for the world record.

One Hour Later…

Image result for pong video game

Jessie: Still at 0-0, imagine that.

James: We’re doing everything right, right?

Meowth: I made the best Pong-playing computer possible.

Five Hours Later…

Image result for pong video game

James: So… um… when does something happen…?

Meowth: Eventually…

One Day Later…

Image result for pong video game

Jessie: …

James: …

Meowth: …

One Week Later…

Image result for pong video game

Meowth: You know, in hindsight, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to have both sides controlled by a perfect computer. This game is looking like a true stalemate.

Jessie: You think so?

James: Hey guys, I’ve been doing some research. There’s actually no recorded world record for a speed run of Pong. We’re still in the running!

Meowth and Jessie: Yeah!

One Year Later…

Image result for pong video game

James: … … … Have we really wasted the past year of our lives watching this endless game of Pong?

Jessie: Yeah, I’m really beginning to question my choices in life now.

Meowth: Be quiet you two! Player 1 is about to score! I sense it! Look! It’s going to make it! It’s going to score! The tie is going to broken! My life is going to have meaning-!

Jessie: And it’s reflected.

Meowth: … … … … … …

James: Hey, you guys remember that time machine I bought to play Metroid Prime 4?

Jessie and Meowth: What about it?

James: I think we should use it, so we can go back to before we made this horrible decision to speed-run Pong.

Jessie and Meowth: Yes!

One Year Earlier…

Meowth: Well, that was a complete bust. Guess we’re not cut out for the speed-running business.

Jessie: I never want to hear another electronic beep ever again.

James: It wasn’t that bad…

Meowth: Beep.

James: AHHHHHH!

Meowth: Yeah, me too. Well, I guess I better remind you all about our Team Rocket Q&A Session. We had originally missed it in order to keep track of the speed run, but now that we’re back, I guess we’re hosting it again. Ask away.