The Bossies

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The Bossy Awards

Announcer: Welcome to the first annual Bossy Awards! Everyone give a round of applause for our hosts, Jessie, James, and Meowth!

*Applause*

Jessie: *Blows kisses* Thank you! Thank you! This is such an honor for all of you!

James: We are pleased to be hosting the first ever Bossy Award Show!

Meowth: A Bossy is an award of great honor bestowed upon Pokémon media to show excellence in its field. This is the trophy that all other covet.

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Jessilina, Live Comeback Tour

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We interrupt this program for a message from our sponsor.

Jessie: You know her, you love her, the Top Coordinator Jessilina is making her comeback this summer!

Jessilina was a coordinator that took the Sinnoh Region by storm some time ago, but since her appearance in the Sinnoh Grand Festival, she has yet to perform again. But that’s all about to change. This could be your one chance to see this legendary coordinator perform in-person.

Don’t delay, tickets for this historic tour are on sale now. Seating is limited, and Jessilina will only perform at a few locations. order your tickets today!

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Send Help

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Yuni Oha: Please, send help. Team Rocket has locked me away in an abandoned Hollywood warehouse. If that wasn’t bad enough, they’re torturing me by playing the worst movies of all time! I just had to sit through Zoroark: Master of Illusions, the worst Pokemon movie! Oh dear Arceus, the Super Mario Bros Movie is coming on next! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! I’ve managed to improvise a computer with the spare parts left in here, but it’s running out of power. I’m afraid this may be my final message. Please, don’t make me watch the Mario Bros Movie, and don’t let Team Rocket win! Send-

The Team Rocket Story

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Narrator: The iconic Team Rocket trio of Jessie, James, and Meowth. You know them, you love them, you want to be them (Okay, maybe not that last part). But did you know their stories go so far beyond just being lovable fools who fail at capturing Pikachu. No, they have stories more deep than you could imagine. Some you may know, some have never been told before now. This is the Team Rocket Story.

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The Blast Off

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The blast Off

Jessie: This is The Blast Off, your first and only stop for all the Team Rocket news, recent happenings, and gossip. I’m your host, the beautiful Jessie, and today we’ve got a lot of juicy gossip.

First off, ever since the announcement of the upcoming Team Rocket Movie, dedicated Team Rocket fans have been abuzz over the inclusion of the mysterious Rocket operative, Pierce.  We went on scene to try to get his thoughts on things

*Knocks on Door*

Jessie: Pierce, the fans are going crazy for you. What do you have to say?

Pierce: No comment. Leave me alone.

Jessie: Come on, I insist. You must have something to say about your major role in the upcoming movie. The fans want to know.

*Slams Door*

Jessie: Okay, that one didn’t go so well. Pierce isn’t the only member of Team Rocket we interviewed. In order to rub it in their faces get their opinion on the movie, we interviewed Botch and Cassidy.

Butch: How many times do I have to tell you! My name is Butch!

Jessie: Sure, Ben, whatever. Please tell us, what are your thoughts on the Team Rocket Movie?

Cassidy: An absolute insult to everything Team Rocket stands for.

Jessie: Excuse me!?

Cassidy: Team Rocket is a proud organization, and somehow Hollywood is choosing to represent us with our esteemed group with those three losers? Team Rocket will never live this down.

Jessie: How dare you!?!? AAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Jessie: Sorry about that, we’re back. Anyways, today in the completely unrelated Rocket Headlines, the Team Rocket paparazzi managed to snap this photo of Cassidy at a local amusement park.

Image result for cassidy pokemon

Jessie: It would seem that Team Rocket wasn’t paying enough, and that Cassidy had to get a part-time job as an amusement park mascot. How embarrassing. I know one thing, I would never be caught dead in such a ridiculous costume.

*Door Slams Open*

Cassidy: JESSIE!!! That photo was taken out of context!

Jessie: A picture paints a thousand words, and I’m simply translating those words.

Cassidy: More like mistranslating! I was in that outfit as part of a scheme to steal Pokémon!

Jessie: As if. Just be honest, we’ve got countless viewers watching live, and they all know the truth already.

Cassidy: JESSIE!!!

*CRASH*

Jessie: Sorry about the interruption, we’re back. Continuing the Rocket Headlines, our next photo was taken in our very own Boss’ office, featuring none other than his secretary, Matori.

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Jessie: It seems that little miss four-eyes has let down The Boss yet again. Look at how annoyed he looks with her, and she’s on cleaning duty. Guess she’s getting what she deserves.

*Door Slams Open*

Matori: JESSIE!!!

Jessie: *Sighs* Here we go again…

Matori: That image is clearly photoshoped!

Jessie: Ha! That’s where you’re wrong! I don’t have enough money to afford Photo Shop!

Matori: Doesn’t matter, it’s still clearly faked! You can even see the stock photo watermarks! This is libel!

Jessie: Ha! Wrong again! Libel is written. This is clearly slander!

Matori: JESSIE!!!

*CRASH*

Jessie: Well, that’s all we have for today. Hope you enjoyed today’s Team Rocket gossip. If you want the scoop on anymore gossip, be sure to leave a comment to be answered in today’s Team Rocket Q&A Session.

Team Rocket Recruitment Commercial

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We interrupt this program for a message from our sponsor.

Announcer: There comes a time in everyone’s life where they realize that they were meant for something more. Something greater. Something important.

Only one organization in the world allows you to achieve this potential. One organization where one can become the best version of themselves. Whether you specialize in business, technology, science, or Pokémon, there’s one organization that will not only accept you, but propel you forward. One organization that is a leader in its industry.

That organization is Team Rocket.

Team Rocket Recruitment

Join Team Rocket, and become a part of something bigger than yourself. In Team Rocket you will learn valuable life skills and be set on a path towards becoming the very best, like no one ever was.

As a Team Rocket Grunt, the possibilities are endless. We open doors that you didn’t even know exist.

To join Team Rocket, sign up at your nearest Rocket Recruitment Center.

Detective Meowth

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Meowth: So, tell me something, guys.

James: What is it, Meowth?

Meowth: So, this whole Hollywood thing has gotten me thinking about something.

Jessie: So spit it out. What is it?

Meowth: So, this May marks the release of the first Pokémon movie made in Hollywood, Detective Pikachu. It had me thinking, why is it always Pikachu?

James: What’s that supposed to mean?

Jessie: Are you trying to make some sort of commentary on the futility of our perpetual endeavor to purloin Pikachu?

Meowth and James: … … …

Jessie: What?

Meowth: No, that’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is that why is it always Pikachu that’s the center of attention. What’s the draw to an overgrown rodent with a habit of electrocuting people? Why does everyone seem to love Pikachu so much?

James: Well, Pikachu is the mascot of the franchise.

Meowth: But why? Pikachu is loved because it’s a mascot, but what makes worthy of being a mascot?

Jessie: What are you suggesting, exactly?

Meowth: I say that now that we have the power of the internet on our side, we start an effort to rebrand Pokémon with a new, superior mascot.

James: Let me guess, that mascot would be-

Meowth: Meowth, that’s right! And to kick things off, I propose a change. No longer will there be Detective Pikachu, but instead Detective Meowth!

Detective Meowth

Jessie and James: Of course…

Meowth: What? Do you not believe this would work? Just look at Detective Pikachu. It’s a movie about a talking Pokémon who’s quick on his wits and good in a jam. Who else does that describe? Obviously me. I would be perfect as the lead Pokémon of the movie. And instead of having some actor voice over Pikachu, I could actually speak for myself. I am the only talking Pokémon there is, after all.

James: Except for Mewtwo.

Jessie: Or Lugia.

James: Or Jirachi

Jessie: Or Lucario.

James: Or Darkrai.

Jessie: Or-

Meowth: Telepathy doesn’t count! I can talk by actually moving my mouth and making words come out! Which is exactly what they need for a Detective Meowth film!

Jessie and James: Whatever you say…

Meowth: You two don’t know what you’d be missing. Alright readers of Cosmic Quest, it’s up to you. Without your demand, we’ll never be able to turn Detective Pikachu into a movie that’s actually worth watching. Detective Meowth can be a reality, we’ve just got to make sure that the makers of that movie know what the people want. So let’s let them know in no uncertain terms, Detective Meowth isn’t just the movie we want, it’s the movie we deserve! And if you have any questions about how a Detective Meowth movie, be sure to leave a comment and ask so we can answer in the Team Rocket Q&A Session later today.